The Gifts
See, I don’t know if you understand men at all nor their intentions. So I hear you saying that you wont accept the dildo if I get it for you as a gift. But you should understand most men are only comfortable getting gifts that don’t harm and are easy to walk away from. See, I have already ordered the vibrator. I ordered it from the Rite Aid website. I actually ordered 2 of them so you have your choice either pink or blue. Its easy for me to get this for you as a gift and at any point in time you tell me you don’t want to talk to me anymore. Why? Because the dildo only cost me $10. That’s in the range of ‘cut your losses’ and walk away. Lets think about this like a man. The flowers I sent you for Christmas were $30. When I paid for the groceries at Pathmark that was $20. I ordered you a set of Blaupunkt 6.5” front door speakers which I have sitting in the box right now for your car. The underwear I got you from Target were $7. Now alone, all of this are things you can walk away from if it don’t work out. But there was also a plan to do this, that and the other to your car, which I estimate would be about $500-600. Now that amount I couldn’t walk away from. That’s the Gods Honest truth. A man is only gonna to do that for a woman because he wants to be closer to her. I m sure you understood this. No man is going to put no money into a car he don’t see himself driving on some occasion or the other. I know what you think. You cant take those gifts from a person unless he is “your man”. But hold up you read too far into it. You think if I get you those panties and those panties cover the pussy then by transference I get the pussy. And if I get you a dildo and the dildo goes in the pussy then by transference I get the pussy. I bought 2 of these dildos. One for you and one for my friend Rebecca. I give you first choice of colors because your birthday is closer. She didn’t make a big deal about it because she thought it was funny and it s also useful for those nights it will get used. Its not like it’s a 3 carat diamond ring. You make a big deal about it because to you it is a sign of commitment.
And about friendship, I m sure that I say things to hurt you deeply a lot. I m sorry that I do. I guess I m not good at this. But in my defense, I would like to be a real friend and not someone who you re just friendly with. I don’t want to be the person who just says things that sound good but aren’t true. But I don’t want to be the person who always says things to hurt you as though I m gaining something personally by you feeling bad.
But what do you do when a good friend tells you the inner most secrets of her mind and most of her shortcomings have something to do with men? The men in her life? And to you as a man(not as a romantic interest, but as a friend) you feel hurt also because the things she says happened to her all sound diabolical. But then you also notice that there is a pattern that keeps repeating itself. And you bring it up because you want her to notice this stuff(because honestly in the things she says you don’t think she does). But she tells you that you gotta stop because you always make her feel bad about herself. I don’t want to make her feel bad. But you want her to learn from her mistakes. She tells you that she has no regrets and if she could do it over she d do it again. I don’t know, are you supposed to tell me and I m not supposed to bring it up? Not bring it up as in to be condescending to you but bring it up as to talk about it. Should I say nothing at all? I don’t know, maybe I do rub your nose in a lot of those things in the way I say it. But I know you want to tell me. You want to tell someone. What you have is a lot of grief for one person to bear. But I don’t know. I guess I m wrong for bringing it up, but like I said how do you address what you think is a pattern that she has with men? And it’s a self destructive pattern also. Why should it matter? Because just like it hurt you to go through those things first hand it hurts people to listen to you play those things back. Everything. And this isn’t counting the details that you didn’t mention. And you say why does it matter so much to me? And the only answer, no the best answer I can give to you is like when you see children of wealthy people and how they treat their possessions. That’s why it matters so much to me. To see you involve yourself with men who, in my opinion as a man, don’t like you. You may not understand my example, but a few years ago I drove a Lincoln Town Car, a guy I went to high school with also drove a Lincoln Town Car. But the difference is his grandfather gave him that car, and I had to take out a bank loan to buy mine. So we treated them two different ways. I babied mine and he treated his like junk. And that’s why I get mad at your things. To have someone so beautiful in your life and treat her like junk? And you know maybe its not just isolated to you, maybe its all women I have known who got the shaft when they needed support. But you know they in you they had something so great and they treated you like garbage. That’s why I get mad. And that’s what makes me mad. They treated you like garbage. And I think that’s how I express it. Outwardly against you. Not at them for treating you as though you had no value because that’s who I should be angry with. Ok, and you say to me, some of these guys you decided to give yourself to. OK, but you also said because you were lonely. I know what that feels like.
Maybe that’s why I m attracted to you so much. Maybe that’s it. Maybe we share a sorrow. Loneliness is a painful yoke on your neck isn’t it? But its not because I pity you that I like being around you. Its because I admire your resolve. And maybe in you I have a chance to redeem myself. Redemption, salvation. A way to take all those things that didn’t work out and make them right with you. Maybe that’s it. Because honestly there is some reason that I am persistent in talking to you. And I really am trying to figure out what it is.
And about friendship, I m sure that I say things to hurt you deeply a lot. I m sorry that I do. I guess I m not good at this. But in my defense, I would like to be a real friend and not someone who you re just friendly with. I don’t want to be the person who just says things that sound good but aren’t true. But I don’t want to be the person who always says things to hurt you as though I m gaining something personally by you feeling bad.
But what do you do when a good friend tells you the inner most secrets of her mind and most of her shortcomings have something to do with men? The men in her life? And to you as a man(not as a romantic interest, but as a friend) you feel hurt also because the things she says happened to her all sound diabolical. But then you also notice that there is a pattern that keeps repeating itself. And you bring it up because you want her to notice this stuff(because honestly in the things she says you don’t think she does). But she tells you that you gotta stop because you always make her feel bad about herself. I don’t want to make her feel bad. But you want her to learn from her mistakes. She tells you that she has no regrets and if she could do it over she d do it again. I don’t know, are you supposed to tell me and I m not supposed to bring it up? Not bring it up as in to be condescending to you but bring it up as to talk about it. Should I say nothing at all? I don’t know, maybe I do rub your nose in a lot of those things in the way I say it. But I know you want to tell me. You want to tell someone. What you have is a lot of grief for one person to bear. But I don’t know. I guess I m wrong for bringing it up, but like I said how do you address what you think is a pattern that she has with men? And it’s a self destructive pattern also. Why should it matter? Because just like it hurt you to go through those things first hand it hurts people to listen to you play those things back. Everything. And this isn’t counting the details that you didn’t mention. And you say why does it matter so much to me? And the only answer, no the best answer I can give to you is like when you see children of wealthy people and how they treat their possessions. That’s why it matters so much to me. To see you involve yourself with men who, in my opinion as a man, don’t like you. You may not understand my example, but a few years ago I drove a Lincoln Town Car, a guy I went to high school with also drove a Lincoln Town Car. But the difference is his grandfather gave him that car, and I had to take out a bank loan to buy mine. So we treated them two different ways. I babied mine and he treated his like junk. And that’s why I get mad at your things. To have someone so beautiful in your life and treat her like junk? And you know maybe its not just isolated to you, maybe its all women I have known who got the shaft when they needed support. But you know they in you they had something so great and they treated you like garbage. That’s why I get mad. And that’s what makes me mad. They treated you like garbage. And I think that’s how I express it. Outwardly against you. Not at them for treating you as though you had no value because that’s who I should be angry with. Ok, and you say to me, some of these guys you decided to give yourself to. OK, but you also said because you were lonely. I know what that feels like.
Maybe that’s why I m attracted to you so much. Maybe that’s it. Maybe we share a sorrow. Loneliness is a painful yoke on your neck isn’t it? But its not because I pity you that I like being around you. Its because I admire your resolve. And maybe in you I have a chance to redeem myself. Redemption, salvation. A way to take all those things that didn’t work out and make them right with you. Maybe that’s it. Because honestly there is some reason that I am persistent in talking to you. And I really am trying to figure out what it is.
posted by avolokitisvara at 12:27 PM
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