posted by avolokitisvara at 12:42 PM
I am smarter than you all. I come from the planet Globular where we developed tantric mind melding energy under the Red Sun. But as time grew on out sun became weaker so I was jettison to Earth on my cosmic surfboard as the last of my race, where I crash-landed next to a NASA Titan rocket. Unfortunately, the heat generated from the rocket exposed me to levels of Gamma radiation unseen before in earthly existence. As I healed myself from my intergalactic trip and injuries suffered in my crash, I began to notice how I could manipulate the density of metal objects wth my mind. And I, oddly, had developed this pea green hue and an anger that told me to "Smash" things on the oddest cues. I began to miss my family so much that I began crying, but instead of tears red laser beams emanated from my eyes. SO you guys know never to judge a person until you walk a mile in their shoes.
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